Chapter 10 – Ain’t Nothing But A Heartache

Aside from the fact that he’d never been much of a drinker, Liam never had enjoyed the club scene.

Those places were often far too loud and crowded for his liking. He didn’t understand how Niall, who usually hated crowds and often had panic attacks, could enjoy being in such a place.

But as he looked over at his friend, he understood. His eyes were clouded over and he held a drink in his hand. Simply put, he was smashed. Just as Liam suspected often happened when Niall went off on his own. There was no way he could actually have fun in a place like this. Not without being intoxicated to the point where he didn’t care about anything.

Which, Liam knew, was entirely the point.

He sat at a high table, nursing his fourth or fifth drink as he glanced over at Niall. For someone who was adored by so many women, he sure was having a hard time picking one up. Not that Liam minded much – he wasn’t about to let Niall bring anyone back to the hotel room anyway. All jealousy aside – it hadn’t helped his friend a few nights ago, and it likely wasn’t going to do him any good now.

He watched as Niall put his hands on a girls hips and tried to grind with her. His heart pounded in his chest as he girl pressed herself up against his blonde friend and he narrowed his eyes. He tried to drown out the booming noises in the club as he watched Niall take a sip of his drink and put and ice cube in his mouth. Niall leaned over and traced his tongue along the girl’s neck…

It was at that point when Liam decided he needed to look away. He downed the rest of his drink in one gulp and took a deep breath.

Why, why had he thought this would be a good idea?

“Ah, shit,” Niall said, startling Liam as he slapped his hands on the table.

“What?” Liam asked irritably.

Niall scratched the back of his neck awkwardly as one of the bartenders came by with another round for the two of them. That was the perk of being a celebrity – the alcohol seemed to be never ending. Niall grabbed one of the drinks off the table and downed a generous amount of it. Liam, even though he knew he had quite a low tolerance, did the same. It was the only way he was getting through the evening in this horrible atmosphere.

“I went too far with that girl and her friends pushed me away,” Niall said, rolling his eyes and finishing his drink. “What’s going on with you? Why are you just sitting here?”

Liam shrugged. “I’m not much for dancing.”

“Well neither am I,” Niall shrugged. “But you don’t really have to dance. Just go up there and find a girl-”

“And how’s that working out for you?” Liam cut Niall off, annoyed with his friend’s completely passive attitude. One minute he was depressed, the next he was out at the club acting like some bigshot. He wanted to ask Niall what exactly he thought was going to happen if he managed to get one of the girls to go back to the hotel with him, but he refrained.

Niall froze. He didn’t say anything, he just looked at Liam in shock. He recovered after a couple of moments, glancing down at Liam’s drink. “What?” he asked. “The drink not hitting you yet?” he laughed slightly.

“It’s hitting me just fine,” Liam muttered. That was true – it was. He was beginning to feel quite lightheaded, and not as though he wanted to deal with Niall’s antics any longer. In fact, he just wanted to go back to the hotel.

Although, if Niall’s plan was to get him to forget about Danielle, it was definitely working. He’d hardly thought about her since they’d set foot in the club. He’d only been able to concentrate on Niall, and how completely disgraceful he was acting.

“Maybe you need a bit of a pick me up,” Niall shrugged, glancing around.

Liam raised his eyebrow. He had no idea what Niall was on about. Niall gave him a look and grabbed his hand, pulling him quickly through the crowded club and into the bathroom. Liam glanced down at their interlocked fingers. In his drunken state, all he could concentrate on was the feeling of Niall’s soft hands against his.

The bathroom was large, and Niall continued to grip Liam’s hand firmly as he pulled him into the back corner of it. He glanced around with paranoia, and dropped his hand from Liam’s.

“Liam,” Niall said quickly, rustling his hands through his pockets and pulling out a small bag filled with white powder. “This’ll help.”

Liam nearly had no words for what he saw. Never in his entire life did he think Niall would be offering him cocaine. He looked at his friend in shock, but he wasn’t sure it was apparent on his face as Niall just kept looking at him suggestively. His bright blue eyes were glazed over and drunk, and he definitely wasn’t all there.

Still, that was no excuse for him to be offering him cocaine of all things.

“Are you fucking mad?” Liam said firmly, smacking the baggie out of Niall’s hand.

“What the fuck, Liam? That’s expensive shit.” Niall glared at him and leaned over to pick his drugs up.

But Liam was far too drunk and shocked to care. Or maybe he cared too much, and that was the true problem. Either way, he grabbed Niall by the shoulders and pinned him up against the tiled wall. “What do you think you’re doing? Is this what you’ve been up to whenever you go out? Doing cocaine in a dirty club?”

“Liam,” Niall breathed as the older boy’s fingers dug into his shoulders through his t-shirt. “It’s not that bad.”

“No,” Liam said, leaning in towards Niall and making perfect eye contact with him. “It is that bad. All of it is that bad,” he said glancing at Niall and realizing the true meaning of his words.

But Niall continued to act nonchalant about the entire thing. As if Liam wasn’t about to start screaming right then and there. As if he wasn’t helpless to move against the strength of his best friend. “Relax, Li. I’ve done it loads of times before.”

Liam felt sick to his stomach at Niall’s confession. He didn’t know how he could have missed it, and that was exactly what was so bad about it. He never would have expected this from Niall. He never thought his friend would have problems so big that they would lead to substance abuse of this magnitude.

His face was so close to Niall’s that he could feel the younger boy’s breath on his lips. With the foreign feeling of alcohol running through his system, he almost wanted to lean in and kiss Niall. He likely would have done it too, if not for the fact that his passive attitude about cocaine was terrifying him to his very core.

“We’re going back to the hotel,” he said sharply, grabbing hold of Niall’s hand and dragging him out of the bathroom.

Niall had never seen such a look in Liam’s eyes before. He shrugged away from his hand, annoyed with his friend, but he still followed him out of the club. Something about the look on his face scared him, and he didn’t ever want to see Liam look at him that way again.

Lately, whenever Liam looked at him with sadness or disappointment, Niall could handle it. But now, when his brain wasn’t working so well on account of all the drinks he’d had, he found himself unable to cope. That, and he’d never really seen Liam look quite so angry before.

Niall followed Liam into a cab and the two of them were quickly whisked back to the hotel. Niall stared out the window as the city zipped by them. He could ear the oldies radio station playing softly, and Liam’s deep, deliberate breaths beside him.

As the car ride wore on, Niall felt worse and worse about what he’d done. At the beginning of the evening, he’d felt guilty for being elated that Danielle was gone. Of course he felt bad for his friend – that was where the guilt came from. But he partly just felt relieved.

Even the most perfect of relationships had their problems, it seemed. Even if Niall had his own share of relationship drama, at least Liam wasn’t without it as Niall had originally thought.

He’d just wanted to take his friend out and show him a good time. He wanted to show Liam that even through all the bullshit that came with girls and relationships, they could still go out and have fun.

Not that being at the club was as much fun for Niall as it was a distraction and a way to numb the pain, but fun was the lie he continually told himself as a way to justify his actions inside his head.

The cab stopped in front of the hotel and Liam glared at Niall as the two of them got out. The silently made their way up to the rooms. Liam kept glancing over at Niall, but every time he did, Niall avoided his gaze.

Niall shuffled down the hallway behind Liam. His head was planted firmly downwards and his hands were in his pockets. He stopped in front of the door to his room and fumbled with his wallet, trying to get his keycard out.

Eventually, he did. He swiped it as fast as he could and walked into his room, Liam hot on his heels.

“What?” Niall asked irritably, trying to hide how shameful he felt. “I’m going to bed.”

“I’m not done with you yet,” Liam said with annoyance as the door slammed behind him. “How long have you been doing cocaine for?”

Niall rolled his eyes, ignoring the dull ache in his chest. He walked over to his bed, pulling his shirt off and stepping out of his pants before sitting down. It was a subtle hint to try and get Liam to leave, but it didn’t work and Liam just sat down beside him. “I don’t know, just drop it.”

“I won’t,” Liam said shortly, glaring at him. “I won’t drop it, Niall. Do you know how dangerous that is? How bad that is for you? Do you know what could have happened to you? Are you really that -”

“Fucked up?” Niall cut him off sharply, gazing up at his friend. With every word that had come out of Liam’s mouth he felt more and more lost and broken. “Yeah, Liam, I am that fucked up. My ex-girlfriend’s dead. Our baby is dead, and all of that is because of me,” he said through gritted teeth as he tried to ignore the lump that was rising in his throat. “It’s all my fault, so you can go ahead and sit here and act all high and mighty, but you have no idea what I’ve been through,” he said, his voice breaking. “You have no idea the things I have to do to forget about how horrible of a person I am.”

“Stop it,” Liam said firmly, feeling his heart break as Niall’s drunken eyes filled with tears. “You’re not a horrible person.”

“Easy for you to say,” Niall scoffed, shaking his head as he looked at the ground.

“You’re not,” Liam insisted, his tone softening. “You’re not at all. You made some mistakes, but nothing that happened is your fault. You’re such a good person, Ni,” he said quietly, leaning his head down to try and meet Niall’s eyes.

Niall turned his head a little to look at Liam. His mouth was still turned downwards, and it appeared as though he didn’t believe a word his friend was saying.

“You’re such a good person,” Liam repeated, gazing down at Niall’s mouth. The two of them were so close again, and he could smell the alcohol on Niall’s breath mixed with his own. The very same substance that caused Liam to lean inwards and kiss Niall’s pouting lips softly.

It took Niall a moment to register what was happening. He felt so sick and so alone, but here was Liam, his best friend in the world telling him how wonderful he was. Even after everything that had happened, which Liam was well aware of, he thought those things. And Niall had been sure he was just saying them, but now, it seemed, he was actually showing him.

And Niall hadn’t kissed or felt this comfortable with anyone in a long, long time. He shifted upwards, still keeping his lips connected to Liam’s as the two of them sat on the bed. He moved his lips slowly, only using his tongue minimally as he savoured this moment.

Liam was content to just kiss Niall. He couldn’t quite believe it was happening as his heart pounded in his chest and he realized what was happening. Niall broke away, and for a moment Liam was worried that Niall was going to say something to him in horror, but he didn’t. Instead, the blonde slid his hands up the sides of Liam’s shirt and motioned for him to take it off.

Liam pulled it off quickly, and he leaned back in to kiss Niall, crawling over to be closer to him.

Niall needed more. He hadn’t been able to feel so confident in this regard in so long that he didn’t even care that this was Liam; his best friend who was also a boy. In fact, that made all of this easier. He reached downwards and undid the button and zipper of Liam’s jeans so the older boy could easily take them off.

He shuffled out of them, pulling away from Niall briefly. He crawled back on top of the smaller boy, both of them clad only in their boxers. Niall groaned as Liam’s body rested against his own. He craned his neck upwards and went to kiss Liam again, rougher and needier this time. His tongue traced Liam’s lips and he bucked his hips upwards, as if to signal it was okay for them to go a little further.

Liam got the message as he started to grind against Niall, their shafts rubbing against each other through the thin cotton of their underwear. Liam moaned softly against Niall’s lips as Niall tried to match his pace and continued to kiss him.

They were drunk and completely out of their minds so it was sloppy. They didn’t establish any sort of nice rhythm and their bodies weren’t used to each other at all, but they continued to kiss and grind and hold each other.

“Mmm, Liam,” Niall whispered, feeling heat building up inside of him despite their lack of coordination. “I’m so close.”

Liam pulled away from Niall slightly, dipping his hand into the blonde boy’s boxers and gripping his cock. Niall groaned as Liam stroked him, white-knuckling the sheets as he felt himself release. “Ah, Liam…”

Liam pulled his hand away as Niall spilled into his underwear and looked up at him with hazy drunk blue eyes. “So good,” he said softly, reaching over and grabbing Liam to return the favour.

As Niall stroked him, Liam shifted over and kissed Niall roughly on the mouth. Niall’s hand moved quicker, and Liam kissed him more furiously. He squeezed his eyes shut as Niall touched him perfectly, and he came quickly, his breath hitching in his throat.

The two boys looked at each other, unable to comprehend what had just happened between them. Liam stretched his arm out, inviting Niall to lay his head down on his chest. Niall did, and Liam closed his eyes. It had been a strange and difficult evening, but all things considered, he felt at peace as he began to fall asleep.

Niall, on the other hand, felt himself begin to sober up. He kept his eyes wide open as Liam’s breathing evened out.

What the fuck had they just done?

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