Left and Leaving – Epilogue

I’m back with scars to show
Back with the streets I know
Will never take me anywhere but here

August 14, 2005

Camille stood nervously outside of Nick’s hotel room. She wondered if it would be best if she just turned around and went home. After all, what was she going to say to him? Sorry I rejected you two years ago? Yeah, that would go over well. He was probably just going to slam the door in her face.

Still, after seeing him on stage she felt the compelling need to talk to him. Nick had been her life for a little over a year. She owed it to him, and to herself to get some sort of closure.

Even if that closure was two years too late.

Taking a deep breath, she knocked on the door. He didn’t answer at first, and Camille figured that he may not have even been there. Maybe he had gone out with one of the others, or maybe he was sleeping.

However, those thoughts were silenced when Nick pulled the door open. He appeared to just have stepped out of the shower. His hair was a wet mess and he was dressed only in his boxers and a bathrobe. Camille giggled a little at how classic Nick that was.

Nick studied the girl standing in front of him for a moment. He almost didn’t recognize her. Her hair was shorter now and a much darker brown colour than it had been when they’d first met. It didn’t take long for him to put the pieces of the puzzle together, though.

“Camille?” Nick asked, thought it was sort of a redundant question. He knew that it was her standing before him.

“Hey.” She replied, giving him a half smile. Talk about awkward situations. They hadn’t spoken to each other since that night at Chris’s apartment.

The both stood there silently for a moment, not really knowing what to say to each other. “Come in.” Nick finally said, ushering her inside his room.

Camille walked inside and sat down on the bed. She glanced around the hotel room. It was fairly nice. She sighed a little, she and Nick had never dated while he was on tour. She wondered a little what that would have been like. There was so much tension in the room, it was making Camille pretty uncomfortable. “So, do you always answer the door in your robe?” She asked him, trying to break the ice a little. “What if I had been a crazy fan?”

Nick laughed. “Then I guess you would have gotten an eyeful.”

They sat in silence for a moment, not really knowing what to say to each other. They both had so many things to say, and didn’t know where to begin. Camille finally broke the silence.

“I’m sorry about what happened when we broke up, Nick.” She said slowly. She’d done quite a bit of thinking after their relationship had ended, and she’d felt quite guilty about the way they’d ended things.

Nick gave her a sad smile. “Don’t worry about it. Shit happens, you move on.”

Camille nodded. “Yeah.” She said quietly.

“So you moved back home I take it?” Nick asked her, thinking that a change of subject was in order.

“I did.” Camille replied. “After the whole bullshit with Chris, I moved out of his apartment and stayed with Brittany until the semester was over. Then I moved back here.”

“I’m sorry you had to leave Florida.” Nick said sincerely. He knew how much she’d loved it there. That had been part of the reason they’d broken up, after all. She hadn’t wanted to move. Ironically, she’d ended up having to anyway.

“It’s okay. I’m fine back here.” She said, looking at him. There was another awkward silence where neither one of them really knew what to say. It was strange how that happened. They used to be able to talk to each other for hours on end. Now they couldn’t have a conversation without it feeling strange and forced. “I have your new CD.” Camille tried again to break their silence. “I really like it.”

“Thanks.” Nick replied. “Do you want me to sign in?” He joked.

Camille laughed. “I think I’ll be okay.”

Nick searched her face for a moment. She looked a lot happier than the last time he’d seen her. More calm, more at peace. It was a good thing. He remembered Camille being overwrought a lot of the time, so it was a good thing that she’d seemingly managed to mellow out. “Not to sound weird or anything, but how did you find my room?”

“I ran into AJ downstairs and he told me you guys were on the 15th floor.” She explained, shrugging. “He assumed I wanted to see you I guess, ‘cause he said that your room was right across from the elevators.”

Nick nodded. “Well, I’m glad you came.”

She smiled. “Yeah, me too.”

There was that silence again. After everything they’d been through, Nick didn’t think it was possible for things to be so awkward between them. Evidently he was wrong. “So uh… what did you do with that ring?”

“I wore it for a few months after we broke up.” Camille admitted. “I missed you so much…”

“I missed you too.” Nick replied, pausing for a moment to collect his thoughts. “But I’m glad it happened. We weren’t ready. I wasn’t ready.”

Camille laughed. “I know, just think about it. We would have been married by now.”

Nick bit his bottom lip. He was still years away from even beginning to think about settling down. The thought that he’d come so close terrified him. What the hell had he been thinking? “I know. Scary, isn’t it?”

“You’re telling me!” She giggled. “What were you thinking?”

Nick shook his head. “I wish I knew.”

Feeling a little more comfortable, Camille decided to jump into another taboo subject. “So… are you seeing anyone?”

Nick shrugged. After the whole drama with Camille and having a train wreck relationship with Paris Hilton, he wasn’t exactly in the most optimistic mood when it came to relationships. “Not really, it’s kind of hard when you’re touring all the time. Are you?”

Camille nodded. “Yeah, I met him at school.”

“Of course.” Nick smiled, remembering how much Camille loved University. “Does he know you’re here visiting your ex boyfriend?”

Camille rolled her eyes. “Yeah.”

Nick found that he was actually enjoying talking with her. He usually didn’t stay on good terms with his exes, but maybe now he and Camille would be able to be friends. After all, it wasn’t as though they hated each other. “Hey… do you think it would be cool if we kept in touch? I mean, not like anything… in that way. I know you have a boyfriend. But I mean, just talked once in a while?” Nick asked her.

“I’d like that.” Camille agreed with him.

“Me too.” Nick said, happily. “Actually, I haven’t eaten yet. Do you want to go grab something?”

Camille grinned. “Olive Garden?”

Nick chuckled, apparently some things never change. “Sure, just let me get changed.”

After having talked to Camille, Nick couldn’t help but feel like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He’d been depressed for a long time over their break up, and now he’d finally gotten the closure that he’d needed. As much as he’d loved her, he knew now that some things just weren’t meant to be.

Wait for the year to drown
Spring forward
Fall back down
I’m trying not to wonder where you are
All this time lingers undefined
Someone choose
Who’s left and who’s leaving

The Weakerthans – “Left and Leaving”

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